How Solitude Sets You Free From Societal Expectations
This is the final post on learning how to be alone. Click through if you have missed any of the previous posts as they are sequential.
How Solitude Sets You Free
Think back to my second article where I laid out how men get trapped due to societal expectation. The commitments that trap us are made from a place of insecurity. We worry that we aren’t lovable so we marry the first woman who shows us affection. We worry that we aren’t measuring up so we work a job we don’t like to prove that we are on the right path in life.
By learning to be alone you short circuit this anxiety. You stop doing what you should do and finally start to do the things that you choose to do.
How Solitude Makes You Powerful
The power of solitude comes from the fact that you have become acquainted with your own mind. You have discovered your preferences and what really drives you in life.
This self-discovery creates a shield around your mind from external emotional manipulation. The vast majority of us aren’t directly bossed around by our parents, lovers or friends. We are controlled through soft control. We choose to do things because we are afraid of the reactions of other people. This ends with men living lives of quiet desperation as they go along to get along.
I don’t know about you, but I would rather have people disapprove of the choices I make than be disappointed with myself. I am the only person who has to live my life and I choose to live my one life in the way I see fit.
How to Leverage this Power
If you have completed the exercises I set you in previous articles you should be more familiar with yourself at this point.
Now it is time to make small steps to realize your power. Let me give you an example of how small the steps can be.
A couple of years ago I was leaving town for a month or so. My family decided to get together for dinner to say goodbye. My mom made a reservation at a restaurant that I didn’t want to go to. Normally, I would’ve kept my mouth shut so I wouldn’t rock the boat. This time, however, I let my opinion be known and I changed the reservation myself.
That is how small your next step can be.
The important thing to me was not that I had done something brave but that I had done something to stick up for myself. By expressing my preferences I became more comfortable with being assertive and my confidence began to grow.
This small act was a stepping stone to bigger acts which have led me to a place where I am much happier. I have stopped doing what I should do and have begun to choose what I want to do. This path is available to you as well, you just need to choose it.